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Stages of Leaving

DENIAL

The Abused:
-Does Not Admit There Is A Problem
-Will Excuse The Abuser's Violent Behavior
-Believes That Each Incident Is The Last

GUILT

The Abused:
-Begins To Know That There Is A Problem But Believes It Is Her Fault
-Believes She Deserves To Be Beaten
-Thinks If She Had Done This Or That, He Wouldn't Have Had To Hit Her
-Believes Something Is Wrong With Herself, Not The Abuser Or Relationship

ENLIGHTENMENT

The Abused:
-No longer assumes responsibility for the violence
-Realizes No One Deserves To Be Beat
-Is Still Committed To The Relationship
-Believes If She Stays, They Can Work Things Out

RESPONSIBILITY

The Abused:
-Accepts That The Abuser Will Not Change
-Accepts That The Violence Will Not Stop
-Decides Not To "Put Up" With The Abuse
-Leaves The Relationship To Start A New Life

Some victims may go back and forth between stages. A victim cannot be pushed from one stage to the next. She will, through her own experience, move on to each stage when she can.



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