Using coercion and threats: Making and/or carrying out threats of hurting you; threatening to leave you, threatening to commit suicide or report you to welfare; making you drop charges; making you do illegal things.
Using intimidation: Making you afraid by using looks, actions, gestures; smashing things; destroying your property; abusing pets; displaying weapons.
Using emotional abuse: Putting you down; calling you names; playing mind games; humiliating you; making you feel guilty; making you think you're crazy; making you feel bad about yourself.
Using isolation: Controlling what you do, who you see and talk to, what you read, where you go; limiting your outside involvement; using jealousy to justify actions.
Minimizing, denying and blaming: Making light of the abuse and not taking your concerns about it seriously; saying the abuse didn't happen; shifting responsibility for abusive behavior, saying you caused it.
Using family and loved ones: Making you feel guilty about children; having family relay messages; using visitation to harass you; threatening to take the children away.
Abusing authority: Treating you like a servant; making all big decisions; acting like the "master of the castle"; being the one to define roles in the relationship.
Using economic abuse: Preventing you from getting or keeping a job; making you ask for money; giving you an allowance; taking your money; not letting you know about or have access to family income.
Negotiation and fairness: Seeking mutually satisfying resolutions to conflict; accepting change; being willing to compromise.
Non-threatening behavior: Talking and acting so that you feel safe and comfortable expressing yourself and doing things.
Respect: Listening to you non-judgmentally; being emotionally affirming and understanding; valuing opinions.
Trust and support: Supporting your goals in life; respecting your right to your own feelings, friends, activities and opinions.
Honesty and accountability: Accepting responsibility for self; acknowledging past use of violence; admitting being wrong; communicating openly and trustfully.
Responsible parenting: Sharing parental responsibilities; being a positive non-violent role model for the children.
Shared responsibility: Mutually agreeing on a fair distribution of work; making family decisions together.
Economic partnership: Making money decisions together; making sure both partners benefit from financial arrangements.